Happy Groundhog Day. Yeah, my life has been just too ridiculously busy for the past 2 months to even begin to explain. But I have been promised by my boss that next Christmas we won't be doing a double upgrade and system implementation project that will suck our entire department into a vortex of endless long work days & nights. I still haven't completely resurfaced but I left the office early today to finally go see the doctor about the cough I've been dealing with since November. Thank goodness for antibiotics. I look forward to being done with sickness soon.
Last Friday the project I've been working on officially came to a close, the consultant that had been here since last May packed up and went home for the last time and my co-worker and I who were in the project room with her for most of the past year packed up and moved our offices back to our regular building. It's nice to have a window again. It's distracting to have so many people around and hard to focus and get as much done. I have so much cleaning out to do still that my desk just feels like chaos - but today was only day-two back in my regular office and it's a double pay-week so there hasn't been any time to spend on organizing yet.
I thought this year would somehow get a bit less hectic but I have a feeling I was dead-wrong. I was just called to be the Primary president in my ward. The good Lord must have some here-to-fore undiscovered talent he wants me to develop because I feel like my leadership skills are completely inadequate and prior to last Sunday when I was suddenly in charge of conducting, had no clue what actually goes on in Primary. We have 200 Primary children on the rolls in our ward. This is probably really bad to say but luckily about 40% of them are inactive so we only have about 120 regularly attending to get to know and find teachers for and plan activities for and be responsible for at church each week.
The last time I served in Primary was about 13 years ago when I was responsible for teaching the 5-year olds. That was probably the hardest calling I've ever had. I absolutely feared and hated it. The thought of spending an hour with the wild group of free-spirits I was responsible for back then when I had no parenting skills and only Relief Society teaching experience (which was my second hardest calling) to pull from. I was a wreck every Sunday. I swear I gave myself ulcers stressing over that calling.
So it should have come as no surprise that this past Sunday as I was getting ready for my first day as president, my old fears quickly crept back in and I was in tears just dreading going to church. Wishing I didn't have to face reality and completely withdrawn from the spirit after lamenting for a while, I found myself praying for help. Somehow in all my self-pity I caught a glimpse of what the good Lord was trying to teach me when I got the message to stop being so selfish and worrying about me-me-me so much. Rather that I should spend more energy being grateful for my blessings and learn how to listen for the promptings to help others. It is my turn to serve these amazing little spirits and I know that the more I put into this calling, the more I will grow to love the children and will be rewarded by my efforts. Again with the selfish motives but I think I'm starting to get the attitude adjustment I need.
Now to rearrange some of my priorities to fit in the new demands on my schedule and start immersing myself in getting to know my duties and responsibilities. First order of duty, find teachers to cover all the classes. In a ward as huge as ours that shouldn't pose a problem. Time to put prayer and inspiration back to work. I have to say that I'm so very grateful that I have two very experienced and ambitious counselors to learn from and draw on who are an answer to my prayers already.
Ram is on a really regular exercise routine it reminds me of how great I felt last September at the peak of prep for my 25K race. It feels like a lifetime ago and I miss feeling that energized. I have the annual Great Aloha Run coming up in less than 2 weeks and I'm about a month behind where I'd like to be in preparing for it. I know I'll be able to complete the 8.15 mile course, it's just not going to feel as great as it should and definitely won't be as fast as I know I could be. But having bronchitis has put a damper on things and I'll be back in the swing of things soon.
Zeth is so insanely cute these days it's hard to keep up with his antics. He is a sweet-talkin, bubble gum-seeking, dancing machine. He sings songs like the A-B-C's, I am a Child of God, and of course a whole lotta reggae. He is showing early signs of a rabid teenager already. He knows how to get into the fridge and regularly will bring me containers of applesauce, peaches & o-gurt to open for him. He craves oranges, is not afraid of trying spicy foods or vegetables but isn't very interested in bland 'bready' things like quesadillas or french fries.
We've tried to break him from it a couple times but this kid is highly addicted to his ba-ba and throws violent all-out tantrums until he gets his bedtime bottle still. He's extremely strong-willed and he holds a grudge. At the same time that bullheadedness of his enables him to accomplish all sorts of physical skills that we wouldn't expect from someone so young at 2.5 years old. Boys are sooo different from girls. He is my determined and dependable helper, always wanting to help with the dishes, sweeping, laundry, cooking and of course eating.
Zana is such a sweet sweet sweet girl. She's growing up so fast. She is in the accelerated learning group and recently got a certificate of merit from school for having all acceptable or excellent grades for the first two quarters. She does all her work but often requires extra prodding to focus and get it done. When I'm working late and Ram is busy doing his own thing, her favorite pastime is vegging out in front of the TV while Zeth bounces off the walls trying to distract her. I'm not going to go so far as admitting it is a good idea for everyone, but there may have been some wisdom in my parents having no TV in our home while I was growing up. I think it really should come down to having more self discipline when it comes to regulating TV time in our home as a whole. Hard to enforce that sort of thing as a working mother who frequently likes to unwind with the news and a late show herself.
Today Zana was at the doctor with me and as the nurse was interviewing us she pops the question to me, "Mommy, how do elephants have baby elephants?" The nurse typing away on our records in the corner smiled real big, kept her eyes on the monitor and just waited for my reply. I was so not prepared and just told her that all animals have babies pretty much the same way. She accepted that and dropped the subject. Time to start thinking about some creative yet accurate responses already. She's just 7 but I suppose that's old enough to start learning about the natural world around her.
She tells me regularly how much she loves and adores me. Each hug, each time she chants "Mommy's the best!" over and over and gets Zeth to join in, each love note she tapes to my door, each kiss somehow wipes away a past tear shed over my infertility experiences and puts a coin in my emotional savings account. I hope and pray this bond and admiration between us will never end. I was such a stinker of a teenager that I worry about that coming around to haunt me some day. I'm just doing all I can to build relationships of trust so that my children will feel like I'm their trusted adviser rather than an adversary in their trials which will surely come.
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