Shoot!

I had the most intriguing conversation with Zeth on the way to his school this morning after dropping Zana off at her friend’s house under the watchful care of Auntie Maeva.
Zeth: Is Auntie Maeva going to shoot Zana?
Me: No, she won’t shoot Zana.
Zeth: Does Auntie Maeva shoot people?
Me: No, Auntie doesn’t shoot people.
Zeth: Why?
Me: Because it’s wrong to shoot people and it’s just not nice so she wouldn’t do it.
Zeth: Will she shoot me?
Me: No, Auntie definitely won’t shoot you.
Zeth: Uncle Jared shoots people.
Me: (starting to understand where this is all coming from now) Did you see Uncle Jared give Anuhea a shot yesterday?
Zeth: Yes, he shoots people like the doctors.
Me: Anuhea needs to get her medicine every day to fight the cancer in her cheek. That shot is helping her cancer go away.
Zeth: I don’t have cancer. See mommy, my face is really little.
Me: You’re right; you don’t have cancer so you won’t get shot today.
Zeth: OK.

Zana had a fabulous 8th birthday last Sunday. We had dinner & a sleep-over Sunday night with 4 of her girlfriends (Anuhea, Teal, Tahina & Taysia). Monday morning I took all five of the girls down to the Ice Palace to go skating. Anuhea just finished her 7th round of chemotherapy and is pretty frail from all the hospital time she's had during the past 5 months but a couple hours of ice skating really helped raise her energy levels and her spirits back up. She's an inspiration to all of us. All of the girls improved dramatically during their time on the ice. I was grateful for the stability on the ice I've managed to retain from all the Saturday mornings I spent with my BFF Darcy at the CM ice rink back in the 80's. I was able to help keep Zana and Anuhea vertical by holding their hands most of the time and that made it more fun for them. The rest of the girls were pretty good skating on their own but my little A-team could use some more frequent practice. :) The last time Zana laced up the skates was 2-years ago on her 6th birthday. The girls all got along splendidly the whole time (with the exception of Teal trying to keep everyone up in the dark after 1a) didn't want the party to end so they all just stayed with us through the evening since we were hosting FHE and the families were coming over anyway. It ended up being a 27-hour-long birthday party. We are all exhausted today!

Tonight Zana has her first piano recital. She'll be playing Angels We Have Heard On High and Purple Cow. She's so ready for this. I'm thrilled that she is enjoying her piano lessons.

** Post Script note, click here to view a short clip of one of her pieces from the recital.

She lost her music that morning. Luckily she had memorized her piece. She's got a good ear for music and memorizes most of her songs.

I was so distracted watching her & her brother that I forgot to start recording on her first song and nearly missed the second one.

Christmas 2010 Sneak Peek

Just created our Christmas card on Shutterfly. I'm trying out their embedding feature so you get a sneak peak of what may eventually be filling your mailboxes ... and your hearts of course.

Many Memories Tree Christmas 5x7 folded card

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View the entire collection of cards.

Thanksgiving Weekend

We had a quiet but fun Thanksgiving this year. After 4 years in the singles ward spending the day with 100+ college students, it was a nice change to just do our own thing. We invited a young couple to join us because they didn’t have any other family but they cancelled at the last minute opting for the beach with the Tahitian club instead, which was no big deal really – I just kept on cooking what I had planned anyway. Now, normally Ram is the culinary master in our home, but for this American tradition, he stays out of my way. I brined & baked the turkey, stuffing, sweet potato, mashed potato, gravy, corn, deviled-eggs, fresh cranberry-pear sauce, a Bundt cake and butter toffee all on my own and just bought the pumpkin pie and rolls this year. It was a beautiful spread in my opinion. After taking a couple bites from his plate, Zeth got up and headed for the kitchen announcing, “I want some real food. Can I have a hot dog?” Zana had recently eaten one of her favorite treats, Spam musubi, but took a couple bites and humored me by finishing her corn before declaring she was full. Ram and I thoroughly enjoyed our meal and just let it go. They are both picky eaters but on a holiday I figure, why force eating anything on kids who are not accustomed to the traditions of the pilgrims?

On Wednesday, Thanksgiving eve, Zana finished 7th in her Turkey Trot heat with all the 3rd grade girls. She was disappointed that she didn’t finish in the top 5 and win a prize. I was thrilled that she improved so much over all her past races – last year she was in the back of the pack then finished dead last after getting tripped on the last leg of the race. So I was so happy to see her hold her own and finish so strong. That night she danced with her Tahitian group, Oriata, for a Thanksgiving dinner hosted at our church for all the senior citizens in our area. It was a nice way to give something of ourselves to the community.

Zeth is going through an unfortunate girls clothing stage. He is fascinated with some of Zana’s old princess costumes and it’s terrifying to see him sneaking around trying on her pink scarves, petticoat and princess attire. He is such a manly kind of boy in every other sense so I’m hopeful this will be a short phase and he’ll work it out of his system. He dressed up last Sunday and wandered outside and gave the neighbors a great laugh before I could stop him. Luckily I got him out of the costume before daddy saw him or it would not have been so funny – Ram is a little more nervous about this phase than I am.

I elevated my rock star status with the neighborhood kids who came over to play on Thanksgiving by sharing some of my homemade butter toffee (thanks as usual for the recipe B). They were in awe that I could make something so delicious. Now I know what we’re doing for neighborhood Christmas treats this year! We skipped all the ‘black Friday’ sales madness but did go buy a fresh Christmas tree Friday night and it is now nicely decorated and has the kids stamp of approval on it. Zana helped a lot but I did most of the decorating while the kids were having a blast playing with our small colony of nutcracker characters which I fell in love with and started collecting a few years ago. I’m trying to work Christmas songs into our nightly pillow singing time lineup. Last night after singing “Oh Holy Night” Zeth started singing “The Wheels on the Bus” in earnest so he still has a way to go on learning the classics and expanding his repertoire.

Saturday after my 12-mi morning run we went to the mall to shop, play and watch ‘Tangled’ in 3-D. It is a very cute story about Rapunzel, I highly recommend it. Zana is doing a research project on Scarlet Macaws for her GT class and conveniently the pet shop at the mall had one on hand for her to observe while Zeth played in the kiddie playground area. Of course Zeth never wants to leave the play area so while Ram watched him, Zana and I enjoyed using the massage chairs and got nicely relaxed. On our way home, we went to a basketball game at BYUH which we won. Ram was selected for the half time shooting contest and won his round then we happily split his bar of chocolate prize. It was once again one of those cherished, “Best day ever!” kind of days - er - long weekends.

Thankful

It’s Thanksgiving week and my thoughts are turning to gratitude so here’s what I’m thankful for most today. I am thankful for family, for the Laie Temple rededication this past weekend and that we have a beautiful, open temple just 3 miles from home again. I am thankful for loving birth mothers and the joy they contribute to our lives through our adorable children.

I am thankful that at age 3, Zeth is officially potty trained now, that he wakes up happy most mornings and his sense of humor usually wakes up when he does. I am thankful he likes singing church songs in the dark with me before falling asleep. I am thankful that he wanted to give the turtles a special breakfast yesterday so he poured 3-months’ worth of turtle food in the tank for them to enjoy an early Thanksgiving feast and they didn’t explode before I fished out the uneaten portion we discovered covering the surface. I am thankful he loves to be independent especially when putting on his shoes, opening doors and helping himself to the contents of the fridge. I am thankful that he is not as picky about most food as his older sister and regularly compliments my meals as ‘the best dinner ever’ even when it is frozen dino nuggets. I am thankful he will be starting formal preschool on 12/01/10 but Auntie Mary Jo will still take care of him on holidays and school breaks.

I am thankful for our sweet Zana who received the Super Raider award for the month of October today for being a good student. I am thankful she is such a remarkable little person and I get to watch her grow every day and be her mom. I am thankful that she loves playing soccer and even more that she is learning to play the piano. I am thankful that she’ll be 8 in less than a month and is looking forward to getting baptized. I’m thankful that she’s starting to understand what a testimony is and recognize her own testimony growing. I am thankful that she actually loves her turtles and that getting them turned out to be a good thing, I think.

I am really thankful I survived my marathon training peak-week by completing a 5-mile run Mon, 10-miles Tues, a 1-mile swim Wed, another 5-mi run Thurs and finally a 20-mile run Saturday morning. That’s my longest run ever and I did it in 3:45 and it actually felt good! The rest of the day my body was in a strange state of fatigue & shock but I didn’t get injured and my confidence for the marathon is way up now. I’m really thankful that I get to taper my training runs for the next 3 weeks and should start feeling stronger again as a result.

When I first committed to running my first marathon this year six months ago back on June 7th I had just recently learned my faithful training partner, Kathy, was expecting #4 and wouldn’t be able to join me. (Little Matuatua just arrived on 11/5 – congrats Pulotus!) That was a major disappointment because I knew I’d fail in my training if I were doing this alone. So the answer to my prayers came from a casual acquaintance I’ve known for several years who decided to join me after a chance conversation one day. Lisa and I have been doing all our long runs together on Tuesday and Saturday mornings for the past 3 months. Having a training partner to push and encourage is an invaluable blessing. The other blessing I can’t overlook that I am so thankful for is my faithful mentor, Ram, who kicks me out of bed by 4:30a when necessary and graciously adjusted his normal morning exercise routine to accommodate my schedule. Last Saturday he went above and beyond by bringing the kids in the truck at 5a to follow Lisa and I on our 20-mile run providing light on some of the very dark stretches with no streetlights where our flashlights were not as effective and carrying our water and energy gels so we didn’t have to lug them the whole way. It was awesome having my own little cheering section waiting for us every 2-3 miles with water and encouragement. Their support made such a difference for me and I’m so thankful for them.

Turtles

Me last Friday night, “Zana if you score a goal tomorrow at your last soccer game of the season, I’ll get you that turtle you’ve been asking for all year.”
Zana, “Really!!?”

Me Saturday morning after Zana scored the first goal of the game in the 2nd quarter, “Great job honey! If you score another one I’ll get you TWO turtles!”
It worked. Zana responded with another goal in the second half and her team won the game 2-0. That afternoon we brought home the 20-gal tank with two young water turtles, once Bubba & Edgar, now Raindrop & Teeter, who now call the kids room home.


Little did she know, I was going to get the turtles anyway since my colleague who is moving across the country was looking for a new home for them and I graciously offered to take them. The motivational incentive worked and she played one of her best games ever. Their AYSO season ended with a decent 4-3-3 record but coach Ram is still having weekly open practices for anyone who wants to come to keep them from getting totally rusty during the off-season.

About Bubba-Raindrop and Edgar-Teeter, they were dropped off at a pet shop where my colleague's daughter was working but the pet shop doesn't accept donations of reptiles, so she brought them home. We don't know exactly how old they are or their exact species but we're going to guess they're appx 6 years old now and with a life expectancy of 30-50 years they'll be with us for a while. Not sure how much longer they'll make it in their 20-gal tank since they are already about 6" long but we're keeping them on their previous owner's 3-day/week feeding schedule to keep them from growing too fast. They have probably grown about 1" in the past 5 years. I sure hope now that they are a little older they slow down. I'm reading the Turtles for Dummies book they came with and getting educated on reptile care.

We think Raindrop is female because her nails are about 1" long needles (which quite frankly freak me out but are great for nesting) while Teeter's are fairly stubby in comparison so we're assuming he's male. However, they won't reach maturity until they're about 25 years old so we'll be in the dark for some time still. They aren't the funnest pets since they do bite and don't like to be touched much but they do add a nice ambient water sound and new dynamic live element to the room so at least the novelty of having them is fun for them. Let's hope it lasts and the kids learn more about pet responsibility without anyone getting harmed.

Now we are a two-parent, two-child, two-dog, two-turtle family. Here are the happy new proud parents. Zeth was in a cheeky mood making funny faces & sporting his Pull-up. I'm happy to report that he has had 3 nights w/o a Pull-up and no accidents this week. I think we're nearly in the clear with his potty training! Yay Zeth! YAY Me!

Opposition & Contrast

Yesterday morning while getting ready, Zeth comes in the room and announces, “Mommy, I have a story. ‘This is Zeth. He is hungry. The end.’” As I laughed long and hard at that, he interrupted me to assure me he really did want breakfast. Humor just comes naturally to this guy. Zana lost another tooth on Monday so now she has a lovely gaping 3-tooth window to her soul smile and another dollar in her savings box. Ram is in Las Vegas at a conference this week so I’m experiencing a little of what it would be like to be a single parent and am increasing my appreciation for all Ram does for our family. Little breaks are good for reflection that way. I stayed home with the kids on Mon & Tues since they were school holidays so my mommy cup is running over now. I’m especially appreciating all the meal planning he does – cooking has never been my forte and it’s a real effort for me to plan & prepare balanced meals that our picky kids will eat. Tonight I’m planning lentils & rice, we’ll see how that goes over with my little peanut gallery.

I ran a half-marathon race on Saturday 10/30/10 up in the hills of Gunstock Ranch. It was a very rough course that would have been a challenge even on my strongest day. Unfortunately two days prior I had gone for a run on the highway during lunch in the humid rain and hadn’t properly warmed up so after the first mile along the steep hwy shoulder I was feeling some strain in my ankle. By the end of the 3rd mile my ankle was seriously hurting so I had to slow way down and walk most of the last two miles of my 5-mi course. I think it was just a mild case of ankle tendonitis so I soaked, massaged and rested it on Friday and did an extra-long stretch, massage & warm up on Saturday to be sure I was going to be able to sustain myself during the race. It felt a little tender but I was able to run the 13.1 miles over the hills, along the livestock trails, through a cool rushing knee-deep 12’ wide runoff stream twice, sloshed through the mud, skipped around rocks and tried to scrape the mud off my shoes on rocks that weren’t actually rocks but gifts from the cows & horses, circled above the Laie water tower, cut through a quarry, up & down hot dusty ravines and back to a corral with 106 other die-hards. With a time of 2:31, I finished 64th overall but by the time I got home 30 minutes after the run, my ankle injury was too painful to stand on. Just what I don’t need 7-weeks prior to my first full marathon race.

I applied the R.I.C.E. equation all afternoon (Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation) and used crutches with my Carmen Miranda costume at the tri-ward community Halloween “Fall Festival” I was on the organizing committee for that night at the local park. Despite my not being up to much movement and forgetting my camera & some key craft supplies at home for our activity, Ram forewent the UH football game he was planning to attend, stayed home with the fam and did all the heavy lifting and loading of all our stuff for us and the event was a big hit. I believe it achieved the desired outcomes of coming together & involving the community for a Saturday night celebration of activities and trick-or-treating to help families respect the Sabbath Day on 10/31. Almost all our Primary kids made it to church the morning after the party and the annual Primary program went better than I had expected it to. Miracles all around last weekend. BTW, 4-days after the trail run now and I am able to walk with only minor discomfort and a small limp so I’m mending quickly. Hallelujah!

Another BTW, after wanting to create this costume for the past several years, I found the perfect material in the drapery section at a thrift store and just free-handed the whole creation process, sewing, gluing and pinning as I went. I learned that wearing a bowl of fruit on your head for any length of time is not as fun or easy as one might think. After a day at work on Friday and a night at the park on Saturday in that costume, I am happy to put it away in my stockpile of other uncomfortable costume creations along with last year's witchy poo and 2008's Kronos Greek goddess of time costumes. They are so fun to create but there's much more to Halloween than just wearing a costume, you gotta bring the costume to life and that requires the use of props and a bit of theatrics or it's just boring.

The culmination of so many events this past week, Halloween, Primary Sacrament Meeting program, national political elections, running highs & lows, friends on drugs lashing out, etc. has really made the distinction between good & evil startlingly apparent in my community. With the re-opening of the Laie LDS Temple, the forces of evil are working overtime to try to drag down the good people of the islands who are flocking to Laie to visit the House of the Lord before it is rededicated.

Had an unsettling close encounter with a disturbed woman while eating sandwiches in the courtyard with the kids at the local shopping center on Monday night. We have very few homeless in our community – and those that are, pretty much mind their own business. At first I thought the innocuous looking unkempt woman was talking to her homeless male companion lying on the bench next to her. When I never heard him responding to her one-sided conversation I figured she was talking to someone on a Bluetooth headset under her hood. I’d glance her way occasionally as her seedy language and offensive subject matter about things like “all the polygamous wives in this town” being less crazy than the people in some other communities she’d recently haunted, among other things, would scratch at my patience. We exchanged occasional acknowledging courteous grins and I tried to stay unengaged. I ignored her subtle hints at how ‘she,’ meaning me I’m pretty sure, ‘spoils her little babies’ in a condescending way then launched into a rant about illegitimate children. But after she started swearing at and belittling a perfectly respectful looking young woman passing by she claimed to have a beef with I couldn’t handle it anymore so I politely turned to her and just said, “Please.” She smiled her toothless grin and said “Yeah yeah, I know, the children…” to which I replied, “No, actually it’s not just the children, I’m offended by your language.” She actually apologized but a minute later she was ramping up again so we just quietly packed up the rest of our dinner and headed home. She wished us a pleasant evening and I returned the remark as we passed but just the encounter with the evil spirit surrounding her was so powerful it was hard for me to shake the awkward unpleasant feeling she brought.

The next morning, I took the kids to the Temple Open House and it was a good experience for us. Zeth refused to wear the little white booties everyone wears over their shoes inside so I ended up carrying him up & down all the stairs through the whole tour. Zana didn’t have to be told anything about the significance of Celestial Room but was immediately impressed and felt a warm peace in that beautiful place. As our tour group stood there in the Celestial Room silently, only Zeth was making noise loudly whispering to me that he couldn’t see Jesus Christ in there, why was nobody talking and he needed to go poop. Nobody in our small group said anything but I know it kind of took away from the overall experience for some of us. The complete remodel of the Laie Temple is a beautiful improvement over the old design and décor. The Temple was originally built before air conditioning so once the A/C was installed the windows in the upper rooms were eventually covered up with curtains. The drab white curtains are all gone and now there are beautifully exposed stained glass windows and rich warm molding details accenting the architecture. Can’t wait to see the Temple in full operation with the new function & flow.

Not an Apparation - Just an Update

I took Zeth in for his pre-school physical this morning. In order to enroll him, he has to be current on all his shots. He’s been a really healthy kid and hasn’t been to the doctor in over a year. Today he needed 2 immunizations, a flu shot and a TB test. Four needles. I was nervous about how to handle it because I still have trauma about the day when I was three and went with my mom & older sister for her Kindergarten physical and ended up getting an unexpected shot too in brutal pull-the-blankey-out-of-my-arms-and-hold-me-down fashion. I didn’t want to spring it on him unexpectedly and risk a repeat of my traumatic episode so I decided to just level with him and try to explain the reason for the shots in advance this morning and help him decide to be tough just like all his friends who are already in pre-school. In a show of solidarity, I told him I’d get my flu shot too and we’d be strong together. My plan may have backfired a bit, he was an edgy nervous wreck the whole time. Terrified to stand on the scale, get his blood pressure taken, have the pulse monitor on his thumb or let the doctor actually touch him. He kept trying to run outside.

Shots are administered after the doctor sees us. I told the nurse it was better if he went first because I may be a little light headed after mine. TB was first and he did not like that one bit. He lurched so hard during the second shot that a large stream of blood came spurting out running down his leg & dripping onto me. I held onto him and held myself together for the last two shots then my unfortunate weakness kicked in and I started to get that dizzy nauseous hot & cold hopeless sensation draining the blood from my head. So there’s my poor injured son who I should be holding and consoling but can’t because I’ve got my head between my knees fanning myself to maintain consciousness. I ended up on a table with my feet elevated. Zeth was in the waiting room with a nurse – not about to enter another room where there may be more needles. When the nurse asked if I was ready for my flu shot I just surrendered myself – I was already in shock, how much worse could it get really? Luckily I was already in a negative horizontal position so I got the jittery feeling all over again but none of the flushing or fainting.

I have fought this dramatic reaction to needles my whole life but the fainting spell usually only happens to me after I get a shot. OK, there were two other times I can remember nearly passing out when it wasn’t me getting poked, the first was when my sister was getting her ears pierced for her 13th birthday. My mom did hers the same day and I wanted to get mine done too but it was my mom’s splendid idea to make us girls wait until our 13th birthday to make it a special event and I had another year and nine months to wait for that day. I ended up throwing up in the beauty shop after watching their ears turn beet red. The second time I can remember was after 1-yr-old Zana slipped and fell in the Lowes plumbing section and cut her head on an exposed pipe. Head wounds gush and this was no exception. We got the bleeding under control and Ram took her to the car so we could take her to the ER and see if she needed stitches and I had to sign an accident waiver at Customer Service. After the initial endorphins of seeing my toddler hurt & bleeding heavily leveled out, my body started going into shock at the counter as Ram waited outside with the motor running and there I was on a chair in the store hunched over with my head between my knees sucking deep breaths.

So my reaction today was not completely unique but it was unexpected. The lesson I learned is to be sure I eat something before trying that again. I went for an 8-mile run in the dark hills & highway this morning with my marathon training buddies and only had water and Gatorade in my stomach. I think something solid may have helped minimize my reaction. I just hope Zeth doesn’t carry this trauma in his active memory for too long. I’m not looking forward to trying to get him back into that nurse’s office in 3 days to have his TB test looked at. Then again, it may be a way to redeem myself and build a little trust because I can promise him no more shots and it should be painless. Getting shot is just not fun. My shoulder feels like it was punched.

OK, enough painful memories, here’s some of the happy & cute memories I want to keep. Zeth is almost completely potty trained – more dry nights than wet – but we’re still using Pull Ups just in case. I’d been holding off on pre-school until he was through the potty training phase and now that he’s basically there, he gets to join his girlfriends from his old day-care group at the same pre-school Zana attended and he is so excited. He’ll most likely start school just after Thanksgiving. We went to the Haunted Lagoon at the Polynesian Cultural Center last Wednesday. Zeth was terrified, Zana was thrilled. I held Zeth on my lap covering his eyes most of the ride. About half-way through he fell asleep – a natural reaction to the stress of the spooky event. When we were disembarking the canoe he woke up and said, “Thanks Mommy, that was fun” then proceeded to thank me repeatedly all the way home for covering his eyes. Zana just asked when we can go again. She seemed totally unphased by the scary scene – it was a fun night for all of us.

Zana is nearing the end of her third straight season of AYSO soccer. This is her second consecutive season with her dad as her coach. She loves playing goalie and is pretty good at it - when she's focused on the game. She fearlessly gets her head down near the ground and snatches the balls up even with cleats heading her way fast. She’s also taking piano this fall for the first time. She’s picking it up pretty well but isn’t completely self-motivated when it comes to practice. What 7-year old is? She memorized and passed off all 13 Articles of Faith at church last month. She is looking forward to her birthday in Dec and plans to be baptized in January.

This Sunday is our annual Primary Sacrament Meeting program which I am in charge of. We have 85 or so kids with speaking parts and have been working all month on organizing & practicing. I have new-found admiration for everything that goes into this cherished annual event. I’m just 7-weeks away from running my first marathon. Last weekend I surpassed my previous longest distance with a 16-mile training run. This weekend I’m running the first-ever Gunstock Ranch half-marathon up in the hills. It’ll be a challenging trail run with 3 notable hills to conquer. I think I am up for it. Two weeks ago I actually won the annual Faculty & Staff ‘Health & Wellness week’ 5K fun run. Well, I beat all the Fac & Staff anyway, if it weren’t for our wonderful cross country team joining us I would have been first overall. But for the employee division, I sprinted it out to the finish and won the race. What a feeling. Ram ran the 5K too and our kids were there watching. Zana & Zeth had to convince an unbelieving Ram that I actually won. That was fun. I have newfound respect as a runner at home these days. Zeth’s latest & greatest quote: “Suh-low down turbo” feels particularly applicable lately.

Summer Highlights

School is back in session and it's still the middle of summer. So strange. I'm long overdue for some new photos so I've just put together some of our highlights from the past two months.

We had fun visits with Ram's youngest sibling and her family, a week camping with our ward at Hukilau Beach, a week with my BFF who came with her mom & daughter for a visit and a bunch of just random stuff in there too.

Enjoy the show!

Zana was just selected by her teachers for the Gifted & Talented (GT) program for Language Arts. She's the only student in her home room class in GT so it's a pretty select group from each grade. She is also in the accelerated math class. 7-years old in 3rd grade and doing really well.

Zeth is so close to being potty trained that every time I change his diaper or pull-up I think to myself, 'This could be the last diaper I ever get to change for him.' He's wearing underware more & more but still has way too many accidents. I hope his potty training phase doesn't get as drawn out as his teething phase always did. He'd drool incessantly and go through rounds of fevers for months before popping that tooth through. Remembering that is helping me remain patient with this phase.

I'm near the end of my first week of official marathon training. 17-weeks to go til my 12/11/10 marathon. I have a lot of work ahead of me but the carrot in the back of my head is remembering how fit I got last fall when training for my 25K and how great I felt. It'll all be worth it in a couple of months.

I found a new motivation in a random biography I picked up of Lynne Cox who, among innumerable other impressive feats, set the world record time swimming the English Channel in 1971 at the age of 15 and then did so again the following year. Her stories are amazing, self-motivation, determination and her grueling workouts give me some healthy perspective on my meager little runs. Her bio is titled 'Swimming to Antarctica' - which is just one of the many insane feats she has done over the past 40 years. I don't know of many teenagers who'd willing get into the 50-degree ocean at 4a every day and swim 10-miles in the dark before school. I used to grumble on my way to my 6a workouts in the heated pool through high school. She goes on to work for 11-years straight to get approval to swim the 40-degree turbid waters of the Bering Strait as an act of good will to help end the cold war between the US & the Soviet Union.

I feel a sense of accomplishment if I can get the kids to stop fighting over the same toy on any given day. Lynne used her swimming talent to help build international political and social good will all around the world. This is the kind of thing I remind myself of while I'm training for my little marathon fun run. Twenty-six miles seems totally possible in my mind but when I'm on the treadmill during the week pushing hard on mile 3, I have to remember running a marathon is no easy feat but all the daily workouts will get me there.

**PS - if you read this post earlier, it was just a bit shorter. I noticed I misspelled Lynne's name and came back to fix that then got a little carried away editing. BONUS!

20-years, Peppered Pianos & Diapers

My 20-year high school class reunion was a week ago. I didn’t go. I did attend our 10-year reunion and it wasn’t as great as I had expected it would be. It just seemed like everyone was still in their little clicks. There were a few dramatic improvements and surprises from some late bloomers and I got to know a few people I never really knew at all before due to my post-grad Hawaiian connections. It was great to see some people who were already admirable hadn’t lost their genuine coolness at all but for the most part, the snobs and drama queens hadn’t changed much and it just felt like we were back in HS at a party but nobody was worried about the cops showing up now. It was the whole drinking scene that made the reunion less fun for me. I just don’t like being around alcohol or intoxicated people at all so cocktail parties are not on my list of fun ways to spend an evening. Don’t get me wrong, I love parties, I just prefer an atmosphere where people are not all souped up.

So skipping my 20-year reunion was not such a hard choice since the venue and agenda seemed to be exactly like our 10-year was. I was hoping they’d plan a family BBQ picnic or something like that now that we’re in our mid 30s and many of us are now raising young children. That might have been worth finding a good reason to plan a trip – well, maybe not. If I were still living in the area maybe I’d be more involved with the planning and could have arranged something worth attending but really it doesn’t matter. With online social networking evolving so quickly, you don’t really need a reunion to reconnect and catch up with those who really matter now and they can get as souped-up as they like without me having to be around the nauseating smell of it.

We had about 25-people over for Family Home Evening & dinner last night and our house was rockin. I dressed up one of the teens, Tyger, in the Whole Armor of God from D&C 27 (wish I had taken a picture) then we talked about protecting our virtue with an object lesson of a piece of bread smothered in Nutella. I let the kids take turns licking the chocolate off the bread. After a few kids, none of the older group wanting to take licks. Unfortunately the younger generation kinda spoiled my point because they all wanted to eat the germy bread but the older kids were who I was directing the message to wanted nothing to do with committing to eating the lickety-lickety object that had lost its virtue. School starts in 2 weeks and I thought it’s probably never too early to start gearing our kids up for the peer pressure of the new year.

We have friends coming tomorrow to stay with us for the rest of the week so I’ve been getting the guest room ready for their arrival. This morning before work I went to get something from the room and was greeted by a powerful odor. I looked around and found that someone had taken it upon themselves to sprinkle an entire bottle of ground black pepper all over the furniture, piano keyboard, beds & carpet. I’m sure it happened during FHE last night but have no way of knowing who the demented fairy-dust sprinkler was. So I was already running late but I pulled out the vacuum, stripped the beds and did what I could to rid the room of the spicy splendor. Falls in the category of “What Were They Thinking!!” I really hope our guests don’t feel any after effects.

We are on the verge of a potty training break through with Zeth. He is so close to embracing his “big boy” status but still loves pulling out that “I’m a baby” trump card. We’re rewarding potty time with his favorite bubble gum. I think I may need to make a progress sticker chart and see if that does anything for him. However, I think fate may be lending a hand. In conjunction with the summer humidity, he has really bad diaper rash this week and it just hurts when he wets his diaper so I’m trying to use this opportunity to convince him to control himself. He woke up screaming at 4a today so I went in to calm him down. I thought he was having a nightmare about his ball he left outside but he was actually screaming about his own balls hurting because he had started to pee in his sleep. Poor guy. He went pee on the potty, then and I got him back to sleep. He wouldn’t let me touch him to put diaper cream on him so I just sprayed olive oil over the rash which he didn’t mind. It’s time for him to lose the diaper. We’re close, real close.

My favorite Zeth vocabulary word currently is ‘actually.’ He often tells stories where he uses the word ‘ak-shoe-weee’ frequently. It’s very cute.

Zana started taking piano lessons about a month ago and last night listening to her play I was struck at how far she has already come in just 4-weeks of lessons and practice. I’m trying to capitalize on our investment by re-learning everything right along with her. I took lessons as a kid but resented being forced to continue after I’d lost interest and promptly forgot everything I could after I’d endured the 1-year commitment my mom held me to. I think we’re just going to go with giving her some exposure to piano – just like we do with all her sports activities and we’ll encourage her to continue as time and schedules permit. She’s got natural musical talent we want to help her develop, I’m just hoping this will be something she wants to continue learning for herself. In the meantime, I’m learning it all over again too.

Committed & Converted

If kids are considered adolescents until their 18th birthday, then my marriage to Ramond is about to begin it’s last year as a juvenile relationship. Tomorrow is our 17th wedding anniversary. That feels like a big number to me. I was 17 when I started college and back then, I thought I was pretty much grown up. But looking back over the years, I can see how much I’ve grown personally since my freshman year and that personal growth parallels the past 17 years of my relationship development with Ram since I made the vow and officially converted to Tahitianism.

We’ve had our ups & downs but I’m so glad to be able to say I’m still married to my best friend. He has stayed with me through the good & bad, gorgeous & ugly, fit & flabby, rich & poor, elated & depressed, pregnant & barren, sane & insane. He’s a crazy good chef – even though he gets exuberant like Emeril & forgets to clean up after himself. He’s a fun Dad and reliable parent. He thinks he has his own reggae band in his head and puts on an audible percussion & bass concert almost every morning after his run that drives everyone out of their beds. He reminds me to have a sense of humor and to keep a Zen mentality when things like road rage threaten. He is my #1 substitute teacher for the children at church and covers for one or more classes just about every Sunday. He avoids unfamiliar social situations like the plague but once you’re in his inner circle, he’s loyal to you for life. He and his family have lavished me in pearls and immersed me in French culture which just makes life more diverse and fun. He’s not normally inclined to start a home maintenance project but once I get one started, he’s right there helping me complete it. The reverse holds true for technology, he expertly tackles computer related issues and helps others do the same frequently. He reminds me to forgive and encourages me to strengthen important relationships – even if I don’t want to. He is gentle & kind. He lets me be me and helps me be better. He’s a keeper.

Run Wit' It

I was reading the book of Mosiah in the Book of Mormon the other day about King Benjamin and it just hit me what an amazing man he was. Mosiah was a king who really stood out among kings because of his strong work ethic and humility. I was impressed by his lessons on serving each other and also about keeping a written journal of the most important parts of our lives. He would be an expert on the subject having just abridged all the records of his people handed down to him on etched plates of brass. I have to admit I have long forgotten about writing in the book on my shelf with the yellowing pages and the golden embossed wording on the outside. Some of the older generation have said it’s unsafe to rely on electronic journals (like a blog) as those could be wiped out at any time. They obviously have never heard of house fires or termites, and have no clue how hard it is to erase something from the internet. There’s always a backup somewhere these days, even if you don’t want it.

My dad is 70 now and thinking of retiring early next year. He’s a prosthetist at a VA hospital but he realizes he’s slowing down and it’s not fair to his customers to have to wait for him to complete their leg orders when there are younger faster hands on deck. So I asked him recently what he plans to do with his time after retirement and he said he’ll spend much of his time doing family history work and continue writing his memoirs. When I retire, I plan to spend a lot of time travelling – God permitting. But back to my point, I’ve never seen any of my ancestor’s journals and don’t really know much about them. So there’s something to be said about the accessibility of electronic journals. This is my journal of things I want to remember & share during the next 40 years more or less before I start writing my final memoirs because there are just too many fun & funny experiences that just can’t wait and I want to have something to refer back to when I lose my mind.

Last year during my first 25K race (my longest run to date), it struck me that if I just gave myself a few more weeks of training, I could actually run a marathon. So that made it an official bucket list item. My boss, Kevin, is an avid & elite distance runner. Last year after my first 10-mile training run, he greeted me with ‘Hi runner’ and it just felt so weird and wonderful to be accepted by an insider in that category all the sudden. I still wrestle with accepting the fact that even though running was never my passion and long ago I’d do anything to avoid running, I’ve been doing it fairly frequently for the past decade so it’s time to embrace that title finally. I am a runner.

Well, Kevin recently decided to organize an unofficial marathon on Saturday December 11 this year – the day before the Honolulu Marathon which is one I was actually considering. Unofficial just means there won’t be any sort of police or medical presence and will be entirely staffed by volunteers so the entry fee is basically the cost of the t-shirt (which in my mind is the minimum requirement for any legitimate race and the carrot that will keep me going). It’s open to anyone who wants to join so if you have ambitions in that area let me know and I’ll get you info. I’m in my 3rd week of training now and just getting back into runners form again. It was a long winter and I lost all my conditioning from last year so I’m back at level 1 again but I’m committed to my training for the next 6-months at least.

Something Greater

Monday was a storm cloud. I was still fuming from a run in with our ward Visiting Teaching Nazi (Her title is Coordinator – but she’s more of a Gestapo) from the day before. Had nightmares about her all night and woke up feeling very un-Christian towards her still. My drive to work was one big long plea to Heavenly Father to help me shake my bitter feelings. Found out at lunch that one of my closest friends is expecting again. I’m genuinely happy for her but I have to admit feeling just a bit jealous. Meanwhile, I was having all the physical pains that made it evident once again that I was most definitely not expecting anything in this lifetime.

Just after my lunchtime run which should have sparked up enough endorphins to shake the pall, another friend forwarded a darling little spam of a bunch of adorable smiling sleeping babies. Normally I’d have smiled and thought it was sweet before hitting the delete button but hormones were definitely playing a principal role in the script of the day and those smiling babies just made me more melancholy. I was having a hard time counting my blessings and was feeling very very small. Then another of my friends who’s got half a dozen eggs in the baby basket already made a flippant remark about how babies “just happen” as if they truly do fall out of the stork’s mouth as he makes his annual migration over their home. I bit back a tear and forced a smile when I replied that it’s not exactly that simple for everyone.

So, among other things, infertility is my lot in life and I get that we all have our personal challenges and I’m to learn to endure it well and appreciate what I have and that I can look forward to the day when I won’t be limited by my mortal challenges anymore. I’m in good company with some of the amazing women in the scriptures. (I’m so grateful for Genesis and the remarkable compelling accounts of Sarah & Rebekah whose stories were somehow inspired to be included in a male dominated book of scripture.) I always know that in the back of my head but on Monday, it was hard to pull that file up.

Tuesday was a sort of numb blur. Spent much of the morning mentally beating myself up over old baggage I think I’ve repented of, have repeatedly sent to the dump, but still haven’t forgiven myself for. Then in the afternoon I got some good news that we’ll have family coming to visit for a few days this weekend on a surprise honeymoon. (Ram’s sister thinks their honeymoon in the outer islands of Tahiti is the whole plan but the groom planned their return to the international airport just before the flight to HNL is scheduled to depart. I’m liking my new bro-in-law a whole lot more already. Nice surprise!) That gives me three nights to thoroughly clean the house and somehow empty the storage room back into a guest room. On the bright side, I’m going to have a clean house for Mother’s Day – even if I’m the only one cleaning it. It’s nice to have a goal to distract and motivate me.

Wednesday was an answer to my prayers. Somehow the morning went really smoothly. Zana woke up relatively easily and without her customary morning whine. She then made her own breakfast which is a new development we’ve been encouraging. I was able to easily pack a good lunch for Zeth and said a silent prayer of thanks that I’m blessed to have abundant food to feed my family. Bear in mind that one of the daily tasks I least look forward to is preparing food and packing lunches. I don’t know why, but food prep is just drudgery to me.

I was able to draw Zeth back to consciousness by singing him awake with an original personalized version of “The wheels on the bus” that helped him wake up smiling rather than kicking and crabby like usual. He resisted putting on the green t-shirt I had selected until I was able to convince him that green is a very nice color (it’s the color of our house, my car and even very close to my own favorite color) then he insisted on wearing it. He handled the drop-off at the sitters happily and called out cheerful good-byes on my way out the door.

Just a few minutes later as I was driving to work, I had a sweet, strange spiritual moment. I just suddenly felt happy, light and had the serene sense that my spirit is somehow larger, greater and more powerful than the small confines of my physical body. I felt my spirit or maybe it was just my very existence sort of expand and grow outside the car and across the road in this realm of light. I became aware that I am infused with a small dose of the Deity from which I was created, and that I have a larger purpose and impact than I am aware of. At the same time, I was able to see how very very small and insignificant I am from a more celestial perspective. So I have a ways to go but there’s hope for me yet.

Now, if I could just learn to truly love the Nazi.

On a happy note, today is Cinco de Mayo which marks the 1-year anniversary of us legally finalizing Zeth’s adoption in the state court. That was a wonderful, happy and rewarding day. Looking back, it’s been a challenging but good & busy year. I am constantly overwhelmed with the ever increasing love I have towards our choice little children. I’m also amazed at the love Heavenly Father has for me in blessing me with a supportive and loving husband and two truly incredible kids.

Life in the Fast Lane

Stamina. And lots of it. That’s what I’m learning little 2-year-old boys are made of. That and bouts of extreme cuteness followed by bouts of extreme defiance then back to cute again. The back-talking has begun and we’re trying to find the best strategies to deal with the constant barrage of ‘NO!’ responses or the complete willful ignoring of our instructions.

It’s our turn to be the parents of the blissful child slipping under the pew then running laps around the chapel during church. I know (from personal experience) the thoughts going through many of the heads as he whizzes by them falls into 2 categories: There’s the novices thinking “When I have kids, they’ll be better disciplined and that sort of behavior won’t be tolerated.” Then there’s the parents smirking internally thinking “I’m so glad it’s not one of mine.” I wonder what other stages of thinking others are going through. Some people are probably pretty annoyed by unruly kids while others think it’s hilarious to have the spirit interrupted by the spontaneity of youth.

We never had this sort of issue with Zana. She was not quite as hyper as her lil firecracker brother is. I’m coming to realize a valuable trick in parenting is learning how to stay one step ahead of the next emotional or physical phase so you’re prepared to deal, distract and divert issues. Easier said than done.

On the bright side, I’m one of the lucky parents who has never had real issues being able to leave my children in the care of the Nursery. Being a working mom and having our kids conditioned towards independence through day care to deal with separation anxiety is a blessing in so many ways.

May Day is coming up in a week so all the school kids are putting in extra time practicing for their big show next Thursday. The statewide DOE Furlough Fridays are still sapping valuable classroom learning time for the rest of the school year (which ends on May 26 already!), but it would be a community crisis for many if the kids didn’t put on their amazing annual spectacular for the parents to enjoy. Never mind they are giving up classroom hours to learn & practice the dances. Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing the kids perform – they’re inspiring and adorable. Maybe I wouldn’t be as concerned if I was seeing an increase in homework to supplement but there really hasn’t been so I’m doing what I can to keep Zana’s mind active and learning new things at home. She’s still acing her spelling and math tests every week so she’s doing something right.

I’m so excited to see the return of longer days this month. It’s wonderful to see the late afternoon sun still shining on my way home from work after 6p again.

Frogs say Ribbit

Hi, just checking in. Had a cute moment with Zeth last night. I was quizzing Zana on multiplication problems and presented her with 'Two times twenty' when she didn't respond right away, Zeth blurted out 'Fourty'. I was stunned - apparently he has been really paying attention to Zana's homework recently. But just as I was trying to calm my overexcited self, I asked him the same equasion again and his reply was 'Thirteen.' OK, so it was just a really random coincidence but a really amazing one too.

Then around 4:00a this morning, Zeth comes walking in our room holding his bottle and very quietly stood beside my bed right in my face until I was conscious enough to ask him, 'What's up?' His reply, 'Frogs.' 'Frogs? I asked.' 'Frogs say ribbit.' It was then I realized the bottle he was holding has frogs on it so he was actually not totally trippin but it was his very subtle & creative way of asking if he could have a fresh bottle and curl up in bed with us. Such a cutie.

Released

I'm slipping this post in well after the fact but just wanted to mention that on March 21st the singles ward bishopric Ram had been serving in was released. It's been really great having him back on Sundays and even more awesome that I have him as my permanent unofficial on-call sub for our Primary. Most weeks we are missing one or more of our teachers with no notice so we're always scrambling for someone to fill in at the last moment. Can't tell you how nice it is to have someone who is comfortable with kids, familiar with the gospel & flexible enough to step in and present the lessons. We'll miss all the fun single's ward activities...but we'll get over it.

Climate Change

Just got back from a family vacation/work conference trip to UT & TX yesterday. Had an absolute blast. Everything went very smoothly and I think we did just about everything we wanted to fit in. It was Ram & the kids first time in the snow and Utah didn't disappoint. We got to see three of my four siblings and introduce our kids to some of my side of the family finally.

During our trip, HI dodged a tsunami scare triggered by an 8.8 earthquake in South America on 2/27/10. We got all the alerts and updates and waited to see if we'd have a home to return to or not. We had to mentally prepare for the worst and somehow came to peace with the idea of having to start over if it came to that. We were just glad to be together as a family and were blessed with a meager 3-foot non-threatening wave in the end.

After a week of play time together, Ram and the kids returned to HI and I went on to my conference in San Antonio. I wasn't expecting to enjoy the city nearly as much as I did. After seeing Houston several years ago I admit I had lower than average expectations but the San Antonio Riverwalk which loops around much of the city is absolutely gorgeous and I loved every minute of my three short & busy days there. The PeopleSoft users conference I attended was really useful. I learned some helpful things, met cool people, compared situations with other users and shared ideas. It was a great experience. Conveniently, there were no direct flights back to HI in the evening following the last session of the conference so I had to either pay for another night at the hotel in TX or have a layover overnight back in SLC. I opted for the latter and got a bonus night with my sister.

It is always wonderful to get out and taste the flavor of a different climate, and oh boy did I taste a lot of culture in the past 2 weeks. Time to repent from some serious gluttony. Some people apologized for the cold when they learned of my home port, but I loved every moment of the freezing chilly weather. It's such a novelty to me. It really helped that my sibs were able to keep me warm and comfortable. It wouldn't be quite the same if I didn't have all their creature comforts at my disposal.

I want to thank J for her amazing hospitality, B for making the time and $ sacrifice to come up for the weekend, D-bro for all his cool gear & R for giving us a car for the week. It was wonderful to see our dear friends Darcy, Bunk, the Riskys, my co-horts at BYU, Ram's mission president and others. Thank you Jared for being our airport shuttle & Amber for taking care of our doggies. You're all awesome!

Great Run - Take Luck and Care!

Yesterday was my (yes, MY) annual 8.15mi fun run in Honolulu. Last year I believe there were about 17,000 runners which was just about right. Yesterday, there were appx. 24,700 of us all fighting to get parking, potties and clear running lanes and it was just too crowded. But the spirit of Aloha is what the run is all about so it was still worth doing. I carpooled with 4 of my girlfriends which made it way more fun all around. With all the additional runners, it took about half an hour longer to get into a parking space than it normally does and we almost missed the last bus to the starting line.

Thankfully I learned my lesson last year (the hard way) and remembered to bring toilet paper for me & my friends because the porta potties were completely out (Ewww GROSS!). With that all out of the way, we missed all the pre-race fun (anthems, patriotic birds, water cannons and of course the military all running with flags in formation singing inspiring cadences) our group got separated from eachother and we were trapped in the dreaded 'back of the pack' with all the strollers. Kathy and I found eachother in the staging area and started pressing forward but didn't cross the starting line until 27 minutes after the race started. I usually get across the start in about 5 minutes. It was that packed.

Didn't do as well as I had planned on but the way my life has been so crazy at work for the past 4 months and not doing nearly as much training and physical preparation as I'd hoped and having to run an extra mile laterally it seems dodging strollers and walkers, I'm satisfied. With a time of 1:23:25 (I was shooting for 1:21), I did still beat my previous personal best by about 1.5 minutes, finished in the top 4,000 runners and was the 5th overall from my hometown. Ram even conceeded that makes me somehow 'elite'. He supported me by staying home with the kids and letting me have my fun.

I am a little tender all over this morning but the most unexpected pain I'm feeling is in my right wrist. After reflecting all morning, I figured out it must be due to me taking out one of our fine military brothers at the finish line yesertdy. I normally finish about the last 50 yards of my runs with an all out sprint to the finish line (some would say this is a bad idea but it just feels so good to let the horses loose at the end).

So there I was heading through the tunnel onto the Aloha Stadium astroturf towards the finish line in full stride at top speed when suddenly out of nowhere a big black brother in military fatigues holding hands with his girlfriend makes a 90-degree turn into my path (he must have just spotted the military exit area to the left of the Finish line) and they completely blocked my path. I was about 2 strides from him, in the second that it took for my eyes to pop out of my face and for him to glance over to see that he was about to be assaulted I reached out my arm to defend myself and plowed it into his chest at the same moment that the most unexpected sound escaped my lips.

It sounded something like "JEWW!!" which I can only guess was a combination of something like Gees! and Shoot! I was going so fast that after my palm made impact with his chest, I glanced off him he staggered back a step and I continued hurling to the finish line then looked back but they were out of view. I'm still laughing to myself wondering if he thought it was odd being called a 'Jew' by the crazy white lady who just left a dent in his torso. My wrist is sore today from the impact. Thankfully he was a big man or it could have been worse for him but I still hope he's OK.

This Friday I'm taking Ram and the kids to UT for a week with me on my way to a conference for work the following week in TX. The forecast in UT is predicting snow this Sat so I'm excited. Ram and the kids have never been in real snow before so it'll be a cool first experience for them. Can't wait to see family and friends there and visit places we haven't seen in over a decade. I'm just still stoked that we got all three of their round trip tickets for under $5 total by using my frequent flier miles and we have free lodging and a car from friends. This will be a really awesome low budget vacation.

Groundhogs and Baby Elephants

Happy Groundhog Day. Yeah, my life has been just too ridiculously busy for the past 2 months to even begin to explain. But I have been promised by my boss that next Christmas we won't be doing a double upgrade and system implementation project that will suck our entire department into a vortex of endless long work days & nights. I still haven't completely resurfaced but I left the office early today to finally go see the doctor about the cough I've been dealing with since November. Thank goodness for antibiotics. I look forward to being done with sickness soon.

Last Friday the project I've been working on officially came to a close, the consultant that had been here since last May packed up and went home for the last time and my co-worker and I who were in the project room with her for most of the past year packed up and moved our offices back to our regular building. It's nice to have a window again. It's distracting to have so many people around and hard to focus and get as much done. I have so much cleaning out to do still that my desk just feels like chaos - but today was only day-two back in my regular office and it's a double pay-week so there hasn't been any time to spend on organizing yet.

I thought this year would somehow get a bit less hectic but I have a feeling I was dead-wrong. I was just called to be the Primary president in my ward. The good Lord must have some here-to-fore undiscovered talent he wants me to develop because I feel like my leadership skills are completely inadequate and prior to last Sunday when I was suddenly in charge of conducting, had no clue what actually goes on in Primary. We have 200 Primary children on the rolls in our ward. This is probably really bad to say but luckily about 40% of them are inactive so we only have about 120 regularly attending to get to know and find teachers for and plan activities for and be responsible for at church each week.

The last time I served in Primary was about 13 years ago when I was responsible for teaching the 5-year olds. That was probably the hardest calling I've ever had. I absolutely feared and hated it. The thought of spending an hour with the wild group of free-spirits I was responsible for back then when I had no parenting skills and only Relief Society teaching experience (which was my second hardest calling) to pull from. I was a wreck every Sunday. I swear I gave myself ulcers stressing over that calling.

So it should have come as no surprise that this past Sunday as I was getting ready for my first day as president, my old fears quickly crept back in and I was in tears just dreading going to church. Wishing I didn't have to face reality and completely withdrawn from the spirit after lamenting for a while, I found myself praying for help. Somehow in all my self-pity I caught a glimpse of what the good Lord was trying to teach me when I got the message to stop being so selfish and worrying about me-me-me so much. Rather that I should spend more energy being grateful for my blessings and learn how to listen for the promptings to help others. It is my turn to serve these amazing little spirits and I know that the more I put into this calling, the more I will grow to love the children and will be rewarded by my efforts. Again with the selfish motives but I think I'm starting to get the attitude adjustment I need.

Now to rearrange some of my priorities to fit in the new demands on my schedule and start immersing myself in getting to know my duties and responsibilities. First order of duty, find teachers to cover all the classes. In a ward as huge as ours that shouldn't pose a problem. Time to put prayer and inspiration back to work. I have to say that I'm so very grateful that I have two very experienced and ambitious counselors to learn from and draw on who are an answer to my prayers already.

Ram is on a really regular exercise routine it reminds me of how great I felt last September at the peak of prep for my 25K race. It feels like a lifetime ago and I miss feeling that energized. I have the annual Great Aloha Run coming up in less than 2 weeks and I'm about a month behind where I'd like to be in preparing for it. I know I'll be able to complete the 8.15 mile course, it's just not going to feel as great as it should and definitely won't be as fast as I know I could be. But having bronchitis has put a damper on things and I'll be back in the swing of things soon.

Zeth is so insanely cute these days it's hard to keep up with his antics. He is a sweet-talkin, bubble gum-seeking, dancing machine. He sings songs like the A-B-C's, I am a Child of God, and of course a whole lotta reggae. He is showing early signs of a rabid teenager already. He knows how to get into the fridge and regularly will bring me containers of applesauce, peaches & o-gurt to open for him. He craves oranges, is not afraid of trying spicy foods or vegetables but isn't very interested in bland 'bready' things like quesadillas or french fries.

We've tried to break him from it a couple times but this kid is highly addicted to his ba-ba and throws violent all-out tantrums until he gets his bedtime bottle still. He's extremely strong-willed and he holds a grudge. At the same time that bullheadedness of his enables him to accomplish all sorts of physical skills that we wouldn't expect from someone so young at 2.5 years old. Boys are sooo different from girls. He is my determined and dependable helper, always wanting to help with the dishes, sweeping, laundry, cooking and of course eating.

Zana is such a sweet sweet sweet girl. She's growing up so fast. She is in the accelerated learning group and recently got a certificate of merit from school for having all acceptable or excellent grades for the first two quarters. She does all her work but often requires extra prodding to focus and get it done. When I'm working late and Ram is busy doing his own thing, her favorite pastime is vegging out in front of the TV while Zeth bounces off the walls trying to distract her. I'm not going to go so far as admitting it is a good idea for everyone, but there may have been some wisdom in my parents having no TV in our home while I was growing up. I think it really should come down to having more self discipline when it comes to regulating TV time in our home as a whole. Hard to enforce that sort of thing as a working mother who frequently likes to unwind with the news and a late show herself.

Today Zana was at the doctor with me and as the nurse was interviewing us she pops the question to me, "Mommy, how do elephants have baby elephants?" The nurse typing away on our records in the corner smiled real big, kept her eyes on the monitor and just waited for my reply. I was so not prepared and just told her that all animals have babies pretty much the same way. She accepted that and dropped the subject. Time to start thinking about some creative yet accurate responses already. She's just 7 but I suppose that's old enough to start learning about the natural world around her.

She tells me regularly how much she loves and adores me. Each hug, each time she chants "Mommy's the best!" over and over and gets Zeth to join in, each love note she tapes to my door, each kiss somehow wipes away a past tear shed over my infertility experiences and puts a coin in my emotional savings account. I hope and pray this bond and admiration between us will never end. I was such a stinker of a teenager that I worry about that coming around to haunt me some day. I'm just doing all I can to build relationships of trust so that my children will feel like I'm their trusted adviser rather than an adversary in their trials which will surely come.