Love, Gratitude & Accountability

Another one of my peers passed away this morning. Niu was in his early 40s with five kids ranging from K-12th grade. He seemed perfectly healthy, was playing basketball before dawn at the church then wasn’t feeling well, laid down on the court and died. Makes me ache for his wife, Tamara, and I’ve been wondering all day how she can possibly go home and tell any of their kids and especially her 5 year old son daddy will never be coming home again. Heartbreaking.

Attended a devotional this earlier week where the topic was centered on love and relationships. The message was directed towards singles but a couple points hit home; mainly, in dating, do your homework, don’t assume anything, don’t take anything for granted and be clear about your needs & expectations. The best way to avoid an abusive marriage is to avoid marring into one. Choose your love & love your choice. That last part has been hard for me lately. The man I love today is so different from the man I dated and chose 18 years ago. The same goes for me as a wife. I’m not in an abusive relationship by any means. I luckily chose a gentle man, a very easy-going, gentle man. Still, it feels like I’m being held accountable for my choice a lot lately. I hate to think I’m growing into a nag – but honestly, sometimes I am.

I read an article in the Ensign last month about relationships and the grapefruit principle. Basically a young bride started noticing certain irritating traits not long after the honeymoon wore off. She kept a list of things her husband did that bothered her then one day scheduled a talk with him to go over some concerns with their relationship. She went first bemoaning how she disliked the way he ate grapefruits like they were oranges rather than cut in half with a spoon like ‘normal people’ eat them. After getting that off her chest she let him take a turn. He looked her in the eye and said “There’s not one thing I don’t like about you honey.” Meeting ended.

I am aware of how critical I am of my husband and how often I wish he would change this thing or that. Sometimes it is so hard to accept him for who & what he is and not think about what I’d like to change in him. Today I was reminded just how grateful I am to have a loving husband who apparently adores me still despite my frequent rants and grudges. I know I can’t change anyone but myself. I know that, so why do I spin my wheels trying to find ways to make him into the man I want him to be when I’m so obviously never gonna achieve that goal? I got some serious accepting and humbling to do. Just don’t tell Ram that. *wink*